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By Emma K. Viglucci, M.A., LMFT, CFT

The official guide to Codependency


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Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true "treasure chest" worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!!

To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the "gems on the rough" - the hidden treasures.

Hidden Treasure #1 - Potential to Heal:

One of the unconscious reasons we are attracted to our partner is their ability to trigger us, get under our skin, believe it or not! They trigger us because the way they treat us and relate to us makes us feel at a deep level the same way we did growing up when our parents behaved in ways that bother (hurt) us. History is repeating itself. We replicate patterns in our lives.

To heal we have to break this pattern and get from our partner a different outcome than usual to our disagreements and treatment that meets our needs. This mends our wounds.

When we operate from a place of being healed, we are no longer as reactionary, triggerable, and raw. This allows us to relate with our partner from a more conscious and available place creating satisfying encounters. Also, we have our emotional and mental resources ready for use in more productive and fruitful endeavors!

Hidden Treasure #2 - Potential to Grow:

The other unconscious reason we are attracted to our partner is their appearing to be similar to us but also very differentaâ,¬Â¦ They may seem down right opposite us!! They are messy, we are neat freaks. They are social butterflies, we like isolation. We need to talk about everything, they don't want to talk about anything. Etc.

We are unconsciously attracted to this seemingly opposite person and their characteristics and coping mechanisms because these constitute parts of ourselves and ways that we are not aware of and in touch with and thus in our partnership we become whole and complete.

To actually become whole and complete, we have to grow, we have to learn from our partner's oppositeness and start getting in touch with and owning the different parts of ourselves that we have denied, lost, and hidden.

When we operate from a more complete and integrated self, we have access to different characteristics, coping mechanisms and parts of ourselves that bring forth a full and aware self to engage in relating, thus eliminating friction and tension idiosyncratic to operating from a fragmented self. An aware and integrated self make us more resilient and adept in our relationship and life!

Hidden Treasure #3 - Potential to Create:

Borrowing from evolutionary theory, we partner up to procreate and ensure survival of our species. In our more advanced times, where our lives do not just revolve around ensuring basic survival, this concept can be taken a step further to include how well we procreate and what do we do in our lifetime to ensure the survival of future generations.

This includes first creating a healthy, nurturing and happy family where children can be raised into differentiated, happy, healthy, well-functioning, and contributing members of our society. And, second, tapping into our partnership synergy so that we can be real contributing members of our society.

Our partnership's inherent synergy is a fabulous resource to assist in these processes. When tapped and focused it generates energy, flow and momentum for the couple that assists and promotes the achievement of anything the partners set their mind to! The sky is their limit!!

Our relationship is a gift that usually goes unwrapped! It is a wasted and essential resource necessary for our wellbeing and success. We need our relationship to heal, grow and create successfully, and we have it right there for our capitalizing! All we have to do is "polish those gems"!

Happy Polishing!!

Copyright (c) 2013 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.


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Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship (TM) philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples (TM) programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit:


Author's Bio: 

Ms. Viglucci has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology and Human Development, from the State University of New York at Stony Brook, and a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, from Hofstra University, is a Clinical Member and Approved Supervisor of AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy), a Certified Family Therapist, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Certified Imago Therapist. Ms. Viglucci has been in the mental health service field for over a decade in diverse capacities and has been a member of several professional organizations. She is the creator of the Successful Couples (sm) ezine programs and products to assist Couples in their Journey. Ms. Viglucci brings Relationship Enrichment Insights to couples through her newsletter, blog, speaking engagements and media outlets.

Get our Relationship Enrichment Free Gift - Start Immediately Creating the Relationship You Want!!

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13 Jul 2015

Bill Silverfarb/Daily Journal

Ryan Tracy uses an iPad with the help of communication facilitator Shaunna Schmith to answer questions from a reporter.

Ryan Tracy doesn't talk much.

Actually he doesn't talk at all.

At the age of 2, the seemingly normal boy stopped talking and started to spin wheels on toys, rocking and losing eye contact with the people around him.

Today, these behaviors would point almost immediately to autism.

That wasn't the case in 1977, however.

It wasn't until Tracy was 7 that he was officially diagnosed with autism.

Although through the years he learned to care for himself in many ways and lived an active life by riding horses, swimming and rollerblading, he still was not able to fully express himself despite having some sign language skills.

That changed in nearly a moment though the day he picked up a paint brush and put it to canvas. He was nearly 40 years old when landscape artist Barbara Bridges introduced the family to mneme therapy.

It's a process that stimulates sustained attentive focus, which gives Tracy the ability to sit for long stretches while he paints.

His ability stunned his family.

He is now an accomplished landscape painter and his works, mostly of colorful flowers, adorn the San Mateo home his mother Elaine Mott bought him. One day, he hopes to maybe get them displayed in a gallery.

But his newfound ability to communicate doesn't stop there.

He'd been working with a communication facilitator, Shaunna Schmith, for years.

It's a technique that involves pointing to letters on an alphabet board, keyboard or other device so individuals such as Tracy can communicate.

Schmith had worked with Tracy using some old clunky devices but a major breakthough was made the day he was given an iPad.

She holds his hand and he points to the letter.

Ask him a question and he will answer with Schmith's help.

Tracy then started to stream words together related to his art and life and the result was pure poetry.

In 2014, he published his first book "The Brilliant Brush-Strokes of Autism."

Some of his poetry brings his mother to tears.

"The Lone Tree"

By Ryan W. Tracy

I am one for justice

One lone strong tree stands against the elements

One lone man stands out in the crowd

One person with autism stands for justice against all that is unkown

I am that lone tree for justice fighting for my silent brothers

"No stone has been left unturned," Mott said about helping her son communicate.

He is part of a special group that meets monthly in Cupertino called Loud Talking Fingers.

It's essentially a room full of people who cannot talk and use facilitated communication.

"The energy in the room is electrifying," Mott said.

Tracy discovered that another person with autism, Kayla Takeuchi, was able to finish high school after discovering facilitated communication.

She even went on to give the keynote address at Syracuse University's Facilitated Communication Institute in July 2009.

Tracy keeps her compact disc "Kayla's Voice: Empowering People with Autism" close by.

"Kayla is my friend," he told the Daily Journal.

He paints flowers because "it brings me pleasure," he said.

Tracy used to be wary of going out in public. That's changed a bit, however, as he goes to Starbucks routinely with iPad in hand to order a drink.

"He's an amazing person," his mother said.

"The Brilliant Brush-Strokes of Autism" is available for purchase online.

(650) 344-5200 ext. 102

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13 Jul 2015
WATERBURY, Conn. - A Connecticut woman is recovering from fractured ribs suffered during an unexplained explosion on a Rhode Island beach over the weekend.

Sixty-year-old Kathleen Danise's family says she has vacationed at Salty Brine Beach in Narragansett, Rhode Island, for 30 years, and had experienced no problems there until Saturday.

The family says she was thrown 10 feet into rock breakwater during the explosion near her beach chair.

Danise reportedly suffered a concussion, two fractured ribs, and internal bleeding.

According to Danise's sister, Laura Demartino, another sister who was present at the time of the blast was also injured.

"There was a massive bang and I seen the actual rocks shift and move," Demartino told CBS Affiliate WPRI Sunday. "And I started screaming, 'Get up, get up!' The same time I'm screaming, the sand erupted, threw my sister from there, like a live canon, face-down, unconscious 10 feet away."


Kathleen Danise speaks to reporters on Sunday.


Danise was released from the hospital on Sunday and returned to her home in Waterbury.

A registered nurse, Danise told reporters Sunday that she was reading a book as she and her family watched a man prepare to go scuba diving. "He was putting on his scuba diving gear, and that's the last thing I remember."

The beach was reopened Sunday after officials found no evidence of an explosive device or gas line under the sand and declared the beach safe.

WPRI correspondent Madeline Wright says officials are looking into a buildup of gas or a shift in the jetty as a possible cause for the blast. Officials said there was clear evidence of a "ground disturbance" at the site.

"There was some type of noise and some type of energy transfer," Chief Kurt Blanchard, of the Rhode Island Dept. of Environmental Management, told WPRI.

The state fire marshal's office continues to investigate.

© 2015 CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. The Associated Press contributed to this report.

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13 Jul 2015
Confederate flag supporters rise up to defend embattled symbolHorns blared and hundreds of the rebel flags fluttered as more than 1,500 vehicles and some 4,500 people turned out for the "Florida Southern Pride Ride" in Ocala, according to police estimates. "That flag has a lot of different meanings to a lot of different people," said David Stone, 38, who...

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13 Jul 2015
picassoPicasso's "Les femmes d'Alger," ("The women of Algiers") was last sold for $31.9 million in 1997.

The masterwork, entitled "Les femmes d'Alger (Version "O")" goes under the hammer in May, according to auction house Christie's.

Christie's estimates it will sell for $140 million. However, Picasso's most famous paintings are in high demand and such auctions usually sell for a much higher price than the estimate.

Currently, the most expensive art work ever sold at auction is Francis Bacon's "Three Studies of Lucian Freud," which went for $142 million in 2013. That series of three portraits was expected to get just $85 million before it sold.

Picasso's "Les femmes d'Alger," ("The women of Algiers") was last sold at auction for $31.9 million in 1997.

Related: SAC chief's $155M Picasso purchase

The painting has been sold privately since then, but Christie's said the current owner remains anonymous.

"One can arguably say that this is the single most important painting by Picasso to remain in private hands," said Olivier Camu, Christie's deputy chairman of impressionist and modern art.

Picasso painted it in 1955 as an homage to his friend and rival, Henri Matisse, the French impressionist who died in 1954.

Related: Wealthy investors flock to art market funds

Christe's says Picasso spent two months working on the project, which involved 100 studies on paper and 14 other paintings.

The portrait of nude courtesans, a common theme for Picasso, is painted in bright colors and abstract shapes. It echos a famous painting with the same name by the classical artist Eugène Delacroix.

Picasso is considered by many to be the greatest and most influential artists of the 21st Century. He was born in Spain but spent most of his life in France.

Related: Investors spend millions at London art fair

Given his importance in the art world, Picasso's paintings routinely sell for millions of dollars.

In 2010, Christie's sold Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" for $ 106.5 million, the highest price ever for a Picasso.

"It has become clear that the many new global collectors chasing masterpieces have been waiting for an iconic Picasso to appear on the market," said Christie's global president Jussi Pylkkanen.

Wealthy investors from around the world have been flocking to the art market in search of valuable works to diversify their investments.

Related: Is there a bubble in the art market?

In 2013, Christie's brought in a record $691 million at an auction of Post-War art, which included the record-setting sale of Bacon's "Three Studies of Lucian Freud."

The auction house said it's sales for Impressionist and Modern Art in 2014 totaled $1.2 billion, up 19% over the previous year.

Related: Gallery to showcase art from UK's most violent prisoner

CNNMoney (New York) March 25, 2015: 12:28 PM ET

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13 Jul 2015

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